black velvet trees

I set out to climb the hill and reach the castle.. Through the forest that was magical in the daylight.

As i climbed higher, it got darker.. I thought about a lot of things to keep my mind off the scary trees that bent down and blocked the light..
I could hear bats screeching, i could hear wolfs howling...
I quickened my pace and started to run..

Suddenly, i tripped on a stone and went tumbling down.. down through the forest that screeched and howled..

My head was throbbing with pain and my legs were bruised..bleeding. I tried getting myself up but in vain.
The massive trees cut off the moonlight, so it took me a while to get used to my surroundings.
I moved my hands about the ground, it felt wet...I tried crawling myself to safety.
"HELP", i screamed, hoping someone would hear me.
I could hear nothing...

The silence sent shivers down my spine.

When my throat was sore from all the screaming, i heard footsteps...

They grew louder...

A ray of hope was just emerging when I looked up to spot a man with an axe!

Right then, I wondered if the black velvet trees were safer...

what she had to say...

Why?? why was I born a dalit, the bottom of the caste chain?

Why was I not supposed to sing, dance and not even allowed to study?

I stared at myself in the mirror endlessly everyday, wondering if I was pretty, if anyone out there thought I was pretty.

Am I worth anything at all?

Amma and Ammamma want me to grow up and be like them. They want me to learn how to cook and be a homely wife when I get married.

Is my life just meant to be wasted?

I want to learn to dance like the daughters of the sarpanch.

I want people to look at me the way they look at them..

This lady from the city came home one day and spoke to amma about how she had seen me dance outside my house a few days back. Amazed by my “sense of rhythm”, she exclaimed to amma how she would love to teach me kathak. She was the ray of hope that brightened my life. For once in my life I felt noticed. A wave of emotions swept over me. Happiness, gratitude and grief for the life I’ve lived so far, came out in the form of tears that seemed to break the dams of caste system.

I started dreaming of a life outside the village, a life of dance. At first I was shocked that she picked me. I wondered if I was better than the rest of the girls in the village or if it was just pity…

As days passed by and dance started becoming an integral part of my life, I started to believe that I might have deserved this

I was touched on many levels by this woman who seemed to be my guardian angel.

She didn’t care if I was an untouchable or that we spoke different languages, not understanding each other. All that mattered to her was that I wanted to take in and incorporate all the knowledge she gave me.

On one of those days when I was reminded that I was “just another dalit girl” she told me something that I would remember forever…

“I hope you have a life that you’re proud of, if you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

*notes*

how did i get here?? how did i get from hating writing to starting my personal blog?? that's something that doesn't seem to stop surprising me..so this blog is dedicated to all my little notes that never got out of my books.